My parents went away for a few days and like any self respecting teenager i threw a party, which was much fun if you ignore the unconcious boy in my kitchen and the broken curtain rail in my living room. And the fact that despite all my best efforts my house still smells of red wine and vomit. And the fact that my family will be home soon and I'll have to face the music and apologise profoundly and accept not being spoken to for weeks.

Last night was also a mixture of a the wonderful and the horrid. My ex-boyfriend (being the sweet and caring person that I am I'll link you straight to the details of our breakup and the way things are now) came round to help my dispose of the seven bin bags of rubbish that had somehow been filled by my party. We were shocked and disgusted to find that the tip was closed when we got there (tips close???) but he and his friends deposited the bags in McDonalds' bins and something that looked like a skip but turned out not to be behind a snooker hall. Which was far more hilarious that it actually sounds. Then I sat in his bedroom, with the lovely Hannah who has been staying with me since my parents left and his friends and drunk more alcohol and laughed a lot more than I ever thought I would with them. Then i fell asleep (fully clothed)in his bed, and woke in the middle of the night to find him sleeping next to me.

I always loved watching him sleep. I loved resting my head on his chest to feel the rise and fall of his breathing and the gentle beating of his heart, and watching his face move gently as he dreamed and imagining that it was I who filled his breaths and heart and dreams. Last night I could feel him next to me and it was all so familiar - the warmth from his body, the angle of his legs, the sound of his breathing - and I wanted so much to rest my head on his chest and fall asleep in his arms.

I kept to my side of the bed, and curled myself up to hug my legs instead of him. I can't explain why I want him so much when I'm sleepy.

< - >

* the marks of memories forgotten
* wasting emotions, over again
* intentions, and such
* nothing unusual, nothing's changed - just a little older, that's all (damien rice : amie)
* now I understand! It doesn't make sense because it isn't supposed to