If you're thinking its strange that I haven't said much on my current boy situation, then you're right. (Well done you!) I haven't said much because my current boy situation reads my diary, and that is very very strange indeed. But there's not a whole lot of point me letting him do so if it means I censor what I say. So here's the full (well, slightly abridged) story of my musical brother and I. We met in a pub, on a rainy summer day when dirtygirl was blonde and I was drunk, and he knew what "nuance" meant, and we missed a train to stay and see his band. He added me to msn but never talked to me (at the time I thought it was because he was very cool and I wasn't, but actually I suspect he just didn't have much to say) so i subtley questioned drummerboy about him and discovered a mutual love of the doors, and changed my screen name to a lyric from Riders on the Storm because I thought it might make him speak to me. Pathetic as my plan was it worked and I wrote this about him. We went to a gig once, when I was trying my hardest to really actually properly break up with ex-boyfriend and stop smoking,, and he was seeing this impossibly cool girl who liked my shoes. I impulse bought a Jim Morrison tshirt and wore in one time I thought he'd be there. He wasn't and Manwhore was, and so began a whole other musicboy story. All the time I was pulling Manwhore, or angsting about not pulling him, I was never actually talking to him. I was talking to musical brother. Lots. Much as I may have engineered early conversations, our friendship came as a surprise to me. Dirtygirl, verynaive, bo and I saw him in town once, when we were wearing ridiculously short skirts and bo was encouraging me to smoke, and for a while afterwards I was fairly convinced he had a thing for dirtygirl (but then, who wouldn't?). On december 6th dirtygirl and I got awfully drunk, and I was sick and smoked a lot and she fell down some stairs, and he told me he liked me, and I was still wrapped up in thoughts of a boy I had never had this connectionm with. On december 30th I made boxes from flyers in a pub, and we had a ridiculously amusing argument, and I told him I liked him too. On january 31st I had shoe angst, and saw a good film, and we kissed. On february 28th we kissed again. And inbetween? Lots of drunken answerphone messages, and dancing the stone roses, and rolling eye smilies (@l). And lots and lots of conversation. And now? As discussed today, its a very bad idea to fall for friends. But the point is, we discussed it. And he'll read this. And a million other things, which make this situation very very strange. And that, kids, is why I'm slightly scared. And why I haven't mentioned him much. So now we all know. ps. I know in the past I have complained about musicboys, and in the future I don't doubt I will continue to. But bassboy called me today because he'd just mastered a difficult piano piece and he wanted to play it to me, and helpful friend said the sweetest thing I have heard in quite a while last week. I'm sorry for the times I don't acknowledge how very lucky I am to have them.
< - >
* the marks of memories forgotten
* wasting emotions, over again
* intentions, and such
* nothing unusual, nothing's changed - just a little older, that's all (damien rice : amie)
* now I understand! It doesn't make sense because it isn't supposed to
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