Today, we paused to talk to someone, and it seemed that Laura and Helen pointedly ignored each other. Evidently there was some deeper ritual being played out (did I mention the mind games), as Laura was almost in tears when we left. Sometimes words are pointless. In unison Ruth and I linked her arms. She understood.

Later, she told me, in a quiet, restrained voice that I had never heard before, that she’s losing all of her best friends. Robs, and Helen, she said softly, sounding quite unlike Laura. I almost lost John, she told me, her voice edged with pain and fear. I was terrified. Course not, I told her. John loves you to bits. So do I. She smiled and hugged me, Laura again. But for those few moments she had been someone else, and I am scared that I had a glimpse of the person she may become, if the twisted alliance with Helen continues. I didn’t know what to say or do.

I text her later, and told her my own story. How I lost my best friends, the people I had loved and trusted, and it hurt incredibly and I wondered where exactly I was supposed to go from there. How I blamed myself, and became tangled in a web of self loathing and lack of trust. I didn’t want to rely on anyone else, but I didn’t want to have to be with myself. And then I told her how glad I am that it happened. How it has made me believe firmly in fate and in silver linings, because otherwise I may never have found such wonderful new friends. And because it proved how strong Ruth and I are, and made me realise quite how lucky I am to have her. And I told her that it would work out for her too, and that she must never ever blame herself. Because she is wonderful. And I meant it.

I only hope it was enough.

< - >

* the marks of memories forgotten
* wasting emotions, over again
* intentions, and such
* nothing unusual, nothing's changed - just a little older, that's all (damien rice : amie)
* now I understand! It doesn't make sense because it isn't supposed to