I didn't want to go to college today. So I didn't. This new ability to make choices based on my feelings will probably prove highly self-destructive. In fact, it already did. More than to get an education, I need to go to college in order to spend at least some of the day in the distracting company of others, rather than alone locked within my own mind. I went for a walk to clear my head and ended up, quite honestly without any intention, on manwhore's street. My "how to fit in" overdrive kicked in shortly before I reached his house, and so the scary obsessive stalker localgirl is in repression again. For now. As I retreated quickly I saw buses full of kids from his school and was amazed it was so late. I went to the train station halfway between our houses, and sat on the seat I once sat on with him. Not for any particular reason. I didn't cry or pretend he was there or even replay the conversation we had. I just sat there for a while, and then I went home. ************* I'm giving up my vices/cigarettes and boys like you/but no one sells hormone patches/to help lonely girls get through/the predictable withdrawal/from kisses like nicotine hits/my willpower's not optional/its you that's forbidding my fix ************** I'm fine with boys not fancying me - I don't find myself especially attractive but I'm okay with that - some girls are pretty and some girls are smart and I'm smart. But how am I supposed to deal with the fact that he thinks I'm pretty but doesn't like me. You can change you hair and your weight and your clothes but can you change your personality? Can you change who you are...and if you can, who do you become?
< - >
* the marks of memories forgotten
* wasting emotions, over again
* intentions, and such
* nothing unusual, nothing's changed - just a little older, that's all (damien rice : amie)
* now I understand! It doesn't make sense because it isn't supposed to
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