indeed.

in any relationship, the one who cares the least has all the power. quite suddenly, i've lost all control. horrible as this may sound, i had grown accostomed to having things on my terms...and if only i'd known what it was that i wanted, that situation would have been fantastic.

and now i know. now, too late, i know that i'd already found what i was looking for (oh dear, and now i'm thinking in meg ryan script language) and i'm not the one who cares the least and i'm not the one who's in control.

and life will carry on, in that way that it does, even when you're so horrified by yourself and so terrified of the future that you doubt your own ability to keep on going. i have no idea where i am, or where i'm going, who i am, or who i want to be. but i know how life works, it keeps on moving. when you're too tired and bored and scared to run with it, the current picks you up.

and then what? then you get dragged along - and you hope that somewhere there's a person willing to be firm and strong and help you, willing to drag you from the current and help you up onto the bank, and then to start running with you.

i'm tired to playing the role of someone always in control.

< - >

* the marks of memories forgotten
* wasting emotions, over again
* intentions, and such
* nothing unusual, nothing's changed - just a little older, that's all (damien rice : amie)
* now I understand! It doesn't make sense because it isn't supposed to